About 9 months ago while sitting in a Thai restaurant in Fremont,California my friend, who for the sake of this piece we will refer to as Cheetah, leaned over to me and asked “Bro, wanna go to Europe?” In my typical fashion, I didn’t hesitate to say “Yes of course.” Before I knew it I was on a flight to Amsterdam.
What followed was a crazy and unforgettable 16 day romp across 7 countries and 9 cities with 1 Sexy Cheetah, 26 strangers including a Hairy Italian from New York, a Lawyer with the Physique of an Underwear Model, a Puerto Rican Heartbreaker, and to cap it off, the BEST tour guide you could ask for.
Amsterdam AKA: 2 Truths And A Lie… I’m High, I’m Not High, I Used To Play Baseball
The moment you land in a country and realize EVERYTHING is legal.
I probably have PTSD from hearing bicycle bells and diving for cover as a tall Dutch man or women whizzed past on their bike looking politely frustrated at the group of Americans blocking their path. Jokes aside though the best part about Amsterdam was the vibe, everyone seemed laid back, happy and positive. Getting lost while roaming around the canals, not worrying about directions and just going places on a whim became the norm. The atmosphere just made you smile and forget some of the less pleasant things going on in the world. I have a hunch it may have to do with the fact that weed, shrooms and basically everything else is legal but who am I to say.
Frankfurt and Munich AKA: See the Below GIF
NEIN NEIN NIEN NEIN NEIN were the last words uttered from our lips before Cheetah, the Italian from New York and I were almost permanently banned from setting foot in Germany ever again. Before almost getting the boot however, we visited Frankfurt and Munich. We weren’t in Frankfurt for long but getting a view of the city as the sun was setting from 55 floors up was definitely a once in a lifetime experience. I want to visit it again at same point to explore more. Munich was a much older city with beer gardens such as the famous hofbrauhaus full of beer beer beer and a little more beer which was all delicious and tasted leaps and bounds better than anything I have tried stateside. Other highlights included the Olympic Park which was the site of the 1972 Olympic games, a clock tower in the center of Old Munich which gave a panoramic view of the city and the BMW museum where we tried but were unsuccessful in sneaking past security into the new Rolls Royce.
Innsbruck, Austria: AKA The Best Pizza I had in Europe
We sadly only had a few hours in Austria but the city of Innsbruck seemed like its own little society that was separate from the rest of the world. It felt as if living there was like living in a little bubble and nothing that happened outside the borders of the city affected everyday life. Cheetah and I climbed up a hill as high as we could go to get a view of the city (the things we do for the Gram) and almost died when Cheetah thought it would be a good idea to climb on top of someone’s shed and then stand on my shoulders on top of said shed to take a picture. Surprising fact about Austria, they made the best pizza I had on the whole trip!
Venice and Verona AKA: No We Can’t Uber To The Club, It’s On An Island.
Italy was hands down my favorite country of the whole trip. Going to Italy is like stepping into a time machine and being transported back to the 15th century while enjoying all the comforts of the 21st century. The architecture, the language, the vistas and countryside all have this rustic flair you have to experience to understand. From wine-tasting at a local vineyard to inhaling pounds of Gelato and fresh pasta, the food in Italy was another major highlight. An unexpected side of Venice that we discovered was that it has a cracking nightlife and party scene. Everyone assumes that you go to Venice to see the cathedrals, ride the gondolas and soak up the culture, but nestled deep inside the city are some inconspicuous but really fun clubs that are definitely worth a visit.
Lucerne Region, Switzerland AKA: The Only Country Where You CAN Be Too Poor To Use The Bathroom.
Ahhh Switzerland. If ever there was a country that was the manifestation of a “perfect and pristine” society, Switzerland would be the winner by a mile. Honestly the word perfect is the best way to describe it. In the cities there was no trash, pollution, nothing out of place. In the countryside, even the grass looked like each blade was cut by a laser, tested for precision with a slide rule and all dyed the same color, while laying on it felt like laying on a bed of feathers. I honestly did not want to leave Switzerland, sitting at the hotel patio at the foot of the Alps and sipping beer with my friends while cracking jokes and talking about life was truly bliss. If time was to stop at that moment and I could sit there forever I probably would. It’s no wonder Switzerland always stays neutral and never goes to war.
To get a sense of the beauty, take a look at the picture below.
However, all of this pristine breathtaking perfection comes with a price; you legitimately cannot be poor and live in this country. Let me break it down for you in simple terms by telling you the price of some basic items. Please note that the value of the Swiss Frank is basically the same as a US dollar.
- Slice of cheese pizza: 9 Swiss Franks
- Tomato and cucumber sandwich: 8 Swiss Franks
- Bottle of water, not the fortified with 111 vitamins stuff, simple water: 5 Swiss Franks
- Bottle of Coke: 6 Swiss Franks
- Wristwatch: 15,000 Swiss Franks and your first born child
But the real icing on the cake was the price to use a public restroom…. 2 swiss franks and no they don’t have change for bill currency, you can only use coins. If you are going to charge me 2 bucks to go to the bathroom, I better walk out of there immune to hepatitis and with a free credit score check or something.
Paris AKA: Our Hotel Bathroom Will Never Be The Same Again
There is nothing quite like seeing the Eiffel Tower with your own eyes for the first time, you really need to stop and stare at it for a second to soak it all in. It is, in my opinion, one of the modern wonders of the world. Going up the tower and looking out over the vast city as far as the eye can see is something I don’t think I will ever forget. Paris holds a special place in my heart since my Mom lived there in her 20’s so being able to go and visit in my 20’s felt like I was following in her footsteps in a way. She told me that in her days there, she would sit at cafes along the banks of the River Seine and sip Vin Chaud (Mulled Wine) and study, so I made sure to repeat that minus the studying part and probably with A LOT more wine than she had.
One thing that stood out to me the most was the constant feeling of stress and tenseness that you could sense from its inhabitants. This was understandable given recent tragic events that had taken place in France but it was more palpable than I expected. All of that aside however Paris was a beautiful city bursting at the seams with culture and history. I got to see the Mona Lisa, the Notre Dam, take a cruise along the Seine, attend a Moulin Rouge-esque show and even catch up with an old highschool friend over the best damn falafel sandwich in the world. Once the sun set we sampled the nightlife which was on a whole other level, something in the air must really bring out the wild side of people. It’s another thing about Paris you need to experience to understand. I left Paris feeling as if I had barely scratched the surface but I know I will be back.
London AKA: Chris, We Can Do This The Hard Way Or The Easy Way, Either Way, It Is Happening.
Finally and last but certainly not least, we arrived in London. I have always had this weird fascination/love for London and the UK in general. My unhealthy obsession with British Top Gear probably doesn’t help, but it is a city I have always wanted to visit and desire most to live in. Being in London even for the roughly 36 hours we had in the city further reinforced this desire. The weather was quintessentially British, rainy and cloudy with patches of sun followed by more rain, but the whole place just felt vibrant and steeped in history even among the skyscrapers and modern buildings. I think the juxtaposition of Big Ben next to the London Eye is a prime example of the old and the new existing side by side.
London nightlife was the best by far, maybe it was the end of the trip and everyone was in a mood to party and celebrate for a final time, but it was one of those nights you never want to end. Piccadilly Circus where most of the clubs were was teeming with people all out to have a good time even as late as 4am when the clubs finally closed.
Aside from visiting the usual tourist attractions, the highlight of London was getting to go to a Premier League Football (Soccer) match, Tottenham Hotspurs vs Crystal Palace. The whole district of Tottenham came out to watch the game, the streets were deserted the shops were empty and the stadium was packed. I don’t think I have ever heard more Fuck You’s and witnessed fans emotions flow from hate to love and back faster than they did during the match. One second the crowd would be cheering the forward streaking down the pitch, the next they would be demanding he be traded and questioning his manhood. The ambiance and energy in the stadium was electric and there was an excited fervor that would ripple through the stadium every time the ball crossed midfield. I’m not even a fan of Tottenham but I found myself getting really into the game. When Tottenham scored the winning goal in the 80th minute, the stadium literally erupted and the stranger next to me gave me a bear hug and we both chanted “Come On You Spurs” with the rest of the crowd.
That night, while packing for the return flight home, it really felt like I had been gone for months, but at the same time, part of me wished deep down that I was packing for the next leg of the journey. I know I will be back to Europe in the years to come, this trip was just a sampling, a taste of what lies ahead.
Europe was in a word….amazing, but then again how could it not be?
It’s Europe.
justanotherbrownguy 